Questions That Are Game Changers If You Are Ready To Find Love – Self Reflection 30 Sep 2017
So you have been in love before and it did not work out, As a Professional Matchmaker and Dating Expert who has interviewed over 20,000 singles, I have noticed that almost every person I ask that to will give me an elevator pitch version of what happened and it mostly blames the other person from the relationship who is not there to give their version of the story. It is easier to say what is easy! I want to understand these past relationships so that I can gain insight to my member’s future relationships. What I thought would be helpful is if I shared with all the single men and all the single women in Calgary and Edmonton some questions of reflection, there are NO right answers, just questions that may promote insight for your journey in finding the perfect person to share life with.
I recommend that you have a small journal that you can keep and you may go back to later.
- The last relationship you were in, make a list of what you liked in terms of personality of the person you were involved with on one side of the journal’s page and on the other side make a list of the personality traits you you were not fond of.
- It is easy to remember the tough times, what went well in the relationship?
- Write down this list of compatible factors – 1. Sociability – home loving vs social butterfly 2. Family Orientation – very involved with family and wanting a family vs not wanting the involvement of family 3. Ambition and Drive – motivated vs slacker 4. Faith – Spirituality – Religion – there is a difference between atheist vs highly religious 5. Self Image – cares a lot about clothes and style vs average or no thought to image and style 6. Disposition – positive – happy – negative – sees only the negative 7. Spontaneity – very planful vs goes day by day 8. Passion/Affection – low intimacy and affection vs high intimacy and affection 9. Patience – no patience vs great patience 10. Conformity – rebel vs follows the rules 11. Spender vs Saver 12 Integrity – trustworthy or questionable Which compatible factors triggered relationship problems?
- How has your last relationship changed you? Have you grown, evolved, gained knowledge from the experience?
- What were the disappointments that led to the downfall of the relationship? What are the disappointments you may have given your partner? Did a negative experience propel growth or did positives come from what you originally see as a negative?
- What characteristics are you grateful for in a relationship?
- Has forgiveness occurred, have you truly let everything go? In order to make space for the next relationship, you do not want to be bringing along pain that you have buried.
- What was the theme of the relationship, wrap up the relationship by giving it a name. For example; For me, personally – the relationship I had with _____ was the relationship of __________.
- Are you looking to improve or change anything for the next relationship you want to have?
- Why were you attracted to your last significant other, how did you feeling of attraction stay the same or change over the relationship from the beginning to the end?
- If you were celebrating your ex’s life …. what would you say? If they were celebrating your life…. what would you hope they would say?
- How will you boost your lovability for the next relationship?
- Is there a couple you know that inspires you when it comes to love? What is it about them that inspires you and have you ever asked them why they are successful in love?
- When you reflect on your expectations for your next relationship are they reasonable or unreasonable?
- What would your ex’s version of your relationship be?
- We learn by opposites, my relationship was this _____, I want my next relationship to be this_____.
The reason this Professional Matchmaker thought these questions could be valuable is because often we can get stuck in our thinking and of what we decide happened, or our loved ones and friends give their opinion that is swayed by their love for you. Relationship are truly about growth. It takes two people to have a relationship – I want all the single men and the single women of Calgary and Edmonton to put some thought into relationships, they are not meant to be perfect – they are meant to double the joy in our lives because it is shared and ease the pain by half from the support they offer.