Beware of the One Sided Date – Dating Advice for Singles in Calgary and Edmonton 13 Sep 2017
As a Professional Matchmaker and Dating Expert, I would have to say that one of the biggest complaints I get from the single women about single men over the age of 40 is that their date turns out to be a one sided date.
- He did all the talking.
- He went on and on.
- He never asked me anything about me.
A lot of effort goes into pairing a couple together. There is the initial evaluations, profiling , personal one on one interviews, photography, research and approvals. Professional Matchmakers put our hearts into every couple we match and we are as excited as our clients are for the results. When I get a feedback call from a woman sharing that she was attracted to her referral, he had everything going for him on paper, they met at a nice restaurant and then …….. the man drives the date straight into the ditch by only talking about himself. The date was one sided and this fellow should have went on a date with himself. The woman is baffled how such an accomplished, professional, intelligent single man could be so oblivious about what was going on during this date, did he not notice she was there? This date has no potential for another date. When I interviewed this single man, I invested a lot of time with him during our one on one personal interview – there was NO clues that he would dominate the conversation or I would have had a conversation about that with him. This is a mature male over 40, how could he not realize he was not learning anything about his date? I had to understand this and so I decided to get out there and observe couples on dates. I could instantly tell if they were a new couple or an established couple or a couple that just ate together with no conversation. (YIKES!!) While watching these dates I noticed that the single lady on the date was on the other side of the table looking intently in his eyes, leaning forward and trying to be a part of the conversation and smiling and laughing at times at what he was saying the man seems very content going on and on about himself and it looks like he gets more and more excited about himself. I believed the man actually feels like the lady was part of the conversation. Now this was serious, there should have been a redirection of conversation. My Professional Matchmaking advice is drastic – Ladies you have to take control, do not let the conversation go on and on, GET INVOLVED even if it feels awkward get involved as early as you can in the conversation. I recommend that you send out some light heart sarcasm, a direct dig, I know that it may hit him on the chin being that direct, and I know you two will establish a bond because of it. Gentlemen will actually be turned on by your directness, he will know you can stand on your own two feet, he will notice that you have a sense of humour and it will ignite sexual chemistry. There is no longer an etiquette book about women behaving a certain way to attract the opposite sex. No one wants a push over, challenge your date, stir the pot, ,have fun. The whole time you are calling him on his one rude behavior, do it in a forgiving, happy, lighthearted way. Remember ladies, you are in charge of the life you want, look at it as always being true to yourself while giving your date the benefit of the doubt that this may have happened because of nerves.
I will share some Dating Advice about how single women can express themselves, create chemistry and attraction and even if this date is not your forever fellow, it is always a good idea to be true to yourself.
- Try Something New, an experiment of sorts, Pretend you are a Professional Matchmaker and look at your date and truly find out why you or someone else would fall in love with this man. There are a million reasons why someone can fall in love their smile, their essence, their energy, their eyes, their quirks ,their sense of humour, their accomplishments…. NO JUDGEMENTS ….just acceptance. Instead of looking for reasons why there is no potential for a future, look for reasons why there could be a future. It will change your life, old habits take time to break so if you notice you are finding the negative, take out a piece of paper and weigh out the pros over the cons. You may want to practice on making a list about people you love and then you will see how no one is perfect and everyone is lovable.
- Go in with the idea of wanting to be genuinely interested in getting to know each other, it is okay if your hobbies and interests do not line up perfectly, look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. If you and your date develop a serious relationship, your separate hobbies can leave you with precious “me” time when he is off doing his hobbies and interests.
- Take time to share, it is part your responsibility to help create the magic in a relationship. When you open up and share with your date about who you are, you are setting him up for success. Share with your date what lights you up and laugh if it is not mainstream. Scrap booking or DYIing may not be something he knows anything about, and if he adores you, he will adore your passions. When I met my husband he was a dog person, because I lived downtown, I had a cat….it was years later that he thought it maybe a deal breaker and he decided if I liked cats he could too. My husband was always very caring and loving to my cat and future pets we got together. Relationships are about letting some things go and fight for what is important.
- Feel lovable, when you go on a date feeling your best, it will set the tone for your date. Have the time you need to look and feel your best. It is never a great idea to meet at a place where you may get lost and feel distracted, not a great idea to go straight to a date from a terrible day at work. Set yourself up for success, plan to succeed.
- When you are genuinely attracted to your date he needs to know! Offer up a genuine compliment and clue him in that you are interested in seeing him again. Let him know!
- Share – Share – Share – A man does have the power to sweep you off your feet and make you feel special. A single man’s interest in you can only happen when he can get to know you. Do not do all the listening, share about your day, share about your work, share about something you would like to do or where you would like to travel to, share your bucket list, something funny you heard on radio or saw on the internet. Share your warmth, your joy, your spark, your wit and your playful side.
- Be attainable a man needs to know that he has the ability to please you, romance you and that there is a possibility to go forward in getting to know each other. Professional Matchmakers are part of he equation… you need to help get the relationship off the ground.
In summary, be open and sincere if you are thinking something during a date share it, put n your Matchmaker’s goggles and look for the reasons to fall for this guy and not the reasons why not to fall for this guy. Positivity is the best vibration you can take on a date. Single Men and Single Women need to look for the positives, not the negatives.