The Art of Listening – Matchmaker Advice to Successful Dating

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When you are a Professional Matchmaker, there are literally hours and hours of time invested into getting two clients on a date.  It starts with the screening on the phone, it is followed by 2 to 3 hours of an depth interview and then the research invested in pairing two clients  together, an approval from both clients after I share the proper information needed for them to determine whether or not they are interested in meeting each other.  The single man and the single woman are set up for potential success based on compatibility, chemistry and attraction, lifestyle, self image, personality and intuition.  It is not a random date……the singles are expected to report back with feedback to let their Matchmaker know how it all went.  Some singles meet and soar, while other members crash and burn.  The most important part of dating is the conversation, the getting to know each other process.   It should be a balance of listening and conversation, smiles, interest, playful engaging of eye contact, flirting, communicating, humor, laughter, interesting topics and respectful listening.  The last thing a Matchmaker wants to hear is the date failed, not based on what was there in the foundation of the match…..but what happened during the time of meeting and saying goodbye.  This Matchmaker has interviewed over 20,000 clients, the key to getting to know someone, which is much like a date, is to sincerely engage and be present, connect, hear and most of all understand and listen to each other.  Instead of  not listening and looking for what you do not like in the person across from you…………put on your Matchmaker goggles on and look and listen for ways that you could fall in love with this person and then the date is more  likely to have success and then lead to a second, third and possibly a romance.

 

Here’s some helpful tips:

  • Be present -leave your personal life  at the door of the coffee shop, no thinking about your bad day at work, your finances or some negative life situation that may be going on.
  • Do not multitask on a date, do not be half in and half distracted by work, home or friends  or by keeping an eye on your phone and messages.
  • Both singles need to put each other at ease.  Smile, nod and show open body language and share in conversation, all the while listening.
  • Ask questions about each of you, do not make the date one sided.  It should a little bit of sharing on the single woman’s side and then sharing information from the single man’s side.
  • Ask: Who, Where, What, When, Why and then participate with the information shared.
  • Go with the flow, relax and see where this date may go.
  • Never pretend like you understand something, when in fact you do not.  You will look like a complete idiot.
  • Never “one up” your date, when they share information.  Your experiences are NOT the same….it is so common that when someone shares something personal that the other person immediately says “oh that happened to me too.  There is NOTHING TO PROVE!!
  • Your date does not need complete history or exact times and dates.
  • Plan to be AMAZED by every single person you meet – we all have our gifts and talents, inner and outer beauty – you have wasted an entire date if you do not get the part of being amazed by the other person’s experiences.
  • You do not need to nod and look like you are listening intently…. if you are truly doing that, it will naturally show.
  • Be Open Minded
  • Have fun, your date will see the best in you when you are smiling and genuinely enjoying yourself.

Dating is part of falling in love,  learn to embrace the dates and relax.  A Matchmaker is not some like a dating site,  your dates are vetted for you and ultimately you and your date both have to approve in wanting to meet with each other.  There are so many wonderful people to meet and fall i n love with,  the most important thing you can bring along on a date is a positive attitude, an open mind and the ability to share and LISTEN to the person you are with. BE PRESENT – LOVE MAY RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!

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